Whew! We just dodged a big bullet over here. It may have contributed to the city’s tourism economy to have Massholes from all over the state pouring into the city, in addition to the Patriot fans who live all over New England, but it’s a problem better suited for NY. Mayor Bloomberg projects today’s Superbowl Championship parade will bring in from $19 to $38 million. That’s quite a range — makes me wonder who calculated these figures. Does that include overtime pay the city will have to pay sanitation workers from cleaning up to 50+ tons of confetti that will litter the streets this afternoon? How many more NYPD officers are patrolling the streets of Manhattan right now and what does it cost? Does the calculation subtract its losses before it suggests an approximate final figure? It seems like a waste of money to me but since the Superbowl XLVI sponsors shoulder the brunt of the parade costs it’s actually good for the city’s already thriving economy to have 500,000 to 1 million visitors on the most randomest of days. Tuesday after the Superbowl? Don’t these people have to work?
I’m already reading Facebook status updates complaining about the masses of people, the noise, the traffic, and the inability to get from Point A to Point B without stroking out. Did I mention how absolutely jovial I am right now that this is not happening in Boston? I’m so pumped up kicks right now that I think I’ll drive over to downtown Boston and take a leisurely stroll just because I can.
Why am I like this? I blame the Bruins. When they won the Stanley Cup last year, I was completely oblivious to the fact that there would be a celebratory parade and my car was stuck in traffic for over an hour and a half. I can already tell that you don’t feel my pain. For 90 minutes, my car did not move. Then I was directed in what seemed like a never-ending circle of traffic, conducted by what I’m sure were drunk BPD officers. They had to be drunk because they kept directing us back into the center of chaos. Drunk people by the thousands manned the streets hours after the parade was over. Drivers didn’t stand a chance. I don’t remember how many people I almost hit out of sheer frustration to get out of the madness but I do remember exactly how many people I wanted to hit for banging on my car like it was their own blankety-blank drum set. Four.
Obviously, I made it out alive. But I emerged with a deep-seated aversion to all Boston sports organizations. I shouldn’t blame the Bruins, I should blame the fans.