While it’s certainly not as rude as asking someone their graduating GPA, net income, credit score, or partner number, it’s still makes for an awkward conversation when someone asks a woman why she’s still single. Even if it’s supposed to be a compliment, ice breaker or it’s really a sincere question, there’s no greater way to ruin the moment. Why ask? No really, what do guys really want to hear?? Don’t men hate that question, too? So why subject a fellow comrade to the torture of coming up with a socially acceptable answer?
Thanks to HuffPost Women, women are tweeting around with world the answer the question of why they’re still single, #WhyImSingle. Some of the responses make it pretty damn clear why they’re trekking it toute seule. Phone snobbery? Really. That’s lame. I’m not the least bit sympathetic for that tweeter. I’m not sure what HuffPost Women is hoping to find with this little social experiment, but I bet most responses will cluster somewhere around, “Haven’t met the right guy yet.” But, you’re in for a treat at Bella-isms because here’s a list of appropriate and inappropriate responses to the ill-advised question (along with translations). Responses without parentheticals indicate no translation necessary.
So the next time he asks, tell him. (Or her). As always, honesty is the best policy.
- I’m a model. (Please click that link. You’ve earned it, Bachelor fans.)
- I’m really needy.
- I’m really insecure. (I’m really needy.)
- I have really high expectations. (I don’t even try to be happy.)
- I made a list of everything I want in a man. (People who live by lists are crazy. I’m crazy.)
- I’m new in town and haven’t had a chance to get out much. (I’m introverted & anti social. Why are you even talking to me?)
- I grew up in this town and I’ve known most of these guys since middle school. I’m tired of running in the same circles. (Hi, I’m Samantha Jones and most of the guys in this town already ran through me. In middle school.)
- I’m on a break. (I’m jaded.)
- Men are such dogs.
- I’m on a break. (I contracted an STD.)
- I like playing the field. (Anything you can do, I can do better.)
- I can’t find anyone who wants the same things I want. (I’d like to be married by the end of the summer. Pregnant, too. I’m old.)
- I’m a bitch.
- No one I meet is ever on my level. (See above)
- Every guy I date turns out to be emotionally unavailable. (I’m a homewrecker.)
- My ex was really jealous and possessive. I think he had trust issues. (I cheated.)
- Men are such pigs.
- Oh, I’m not single single! My sugar daddy is finalizing his divorce. (Oh, shit. Did I just say that out loud?)
- Guys find me really intimidating. (Run!)
- I see dead people. (If you believe that, I’ve got ocean-front property in Idaho for sale.)
- I’m allergic to semen. (If you believe that homeboy, I got a bridge in Brooklyn I wanna sell ya.)
The next time someone asks me, I’m going with that last one. I like to get a reaction out of people — I’m curious to know how that conversation will play out. Or, some of those translations were pretty funny. Maybe I could try out, I’m a homewrecker. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to comment on why you’re still single. I’d much rather know which one of these you’d use or if you have a vault of witty comebacks of your own.